Tired...

Have you ever found yourself so tired of the run-around people give you that you just no longer care? I believe I have come to that point in my life. When did things as mundane as being friends with people become so competitive? For those of you who don't know, two of our "best friends" have decided that no longer do they want to be friends with us, which in itself is sad, but acceptable. But now it seems they have decided that they must try and take any and all other friends we had and turn them against us. This actually has been going on for a while, but escalated in the very short past. I have heard from multiple sources that apparently we are the cause of this. Very funny in fact when you have all the facts. Like isn't it weird that another friend of ours called Neal asking him if he wanted to go fishing, we were in town, so Neal told him that they would try and go later in the week. Said friend was completely cool with this and decided to call the "best friend" to ask him. Well apparently he was at work, but told said friend that he shouldn't ask Neal, because he never takes anyone fishing and only wants to go when it is to some other place. And apparently also some other things were said, but I do not have all the details. Odd! I say this is odd because from the picture "best friend" is painting, Neal and I are only the type of people who only do things to benefit ourselves. Never mind that we stored almost all of their belongings while they were living with someone else and Neal even helped load and unload everything they brought to our house. Plus very odd is the fact that "best friend" won't ever take Neal to his "special" fishing place b/c once when they went, Neal caught a bigger fish. How childish! Ok, just had to get that out before I vented to these people themselves and later felt bad about it. I know, I know, I shouldn't let it bother me or make me feel bad, but that is how I am made. I know no one that I know reads this, because if so, well I'd probably have some hate mail by now. But thanks to whoever is bored enough to read about our life problems!

Just life...

My life is probably nothing out of the ordinary, actually most of the time its pretty normal. Lately though, things have been creeping up on my mind and heart and I'm not exactly sure what to make out of them. First of all, why is it that friendships, for the most part, are completely a lie? I'll explain, out of all of the friends Neal and I had and were so close to, I only have one friend who I still speak to on a regular basis. Neal still has contact with many of his old friends, but the one person who said he would always be there isn't anymore, unless you count wanting something from us. What hurts the most out of this is the fact that this person views the fact that we get upset as an insult to him. Like we're not "helping" him out because we're awful people. I am convinced that this is the result of Neal and I being what you would call "homebodies". No, we don't go out every weekend and go drinking. Honestly the most drinking we have done in the past six months have been with his parents and sister and brother-in-law. I personally see the act of going out, paying way too much for a drink or two and then coming home (30 minutes away from any clubs or bars) as a complete waste. Its just very funny to me that people complain about not having any money to pay their bills, but yet, they have money to go out all the time. Am I the only one who see a Major flaw in their thinking? I have tried desperately in the last couple of years to not let people put me down, but lately, I have found myself slipping back into that old persona I used to frequent so much. This is something I'm praying constantly about and would very much appreciate any prayers anyone can spare. I know logically that I cannot make people like me, but still seem to strive for this anyway. I think it comes from the fact of moving at a very influential time in my life to a new place and being very, very shy for a very large part of my adolescence. So I am now setting a goal for myself, no more will I let people dictate how I feel about myself, and no more will I spend time wondering about what I could have done to make myself more appealing to them. Keep coming back for updates on just how I am achieving this goal!