Just life...

My life is probably nothing out of the ordinary, actually most of the time its pretty normal. Lately though, things have been creeping up on my mind and heart and I'm not exactly sure what to make out of them. First of all, why is it that friendships, for the most part, are completely a lie? I'll explain, out of all of the friends Neal and I had and were so close to, I only have one friend who I still speak to on a regular basis. Neal still has contact with many of his old friends, but the one person who said he would always be there isn't anymore, unless you count wanting something from us. What hurts the most out of this is the fact that this person views the fact that we get upset as an insult to him. Like we're not "helping" him out because we're awful people. I am convinced that this is the result of Neal and I being what you would call "homebodies". No, we don't go out every weekend and go drinking. Honestly the most drinking we have done in the past six months have been with his parents and sister and brother-in-law. I personally see the act of going out, paying way too much for a drink or two and then coming home (30 minutes away from any clubs or bars) as a complete waste. Its just very funny to me that people complain about not having any money to pay their bills, but yet, they have money to go out all the time. Am I the only one who see a Major flaw in their thinking? I have tried desperately in the last couple of years to not let people put me down, but lately, I have found myself slipping back into that old persona I used to frequent so much. This is something I'm praying constantly about and would very much appreciate any prayers anyone can spare. I know logically that I cannot make people like me, but still seem to strive for this anyway. I think it comes from the fact of moving at a very influential time in my life to a new place and being very, very shy for a very large part of my adolescence. So I am now setting a goal for myself, no more will I let people dictate how I feel about myself, and no more will I spend time wondering about what I could have done to make myself more appealing to them. Keep coming back for updates on just how I am achieving this goal!